DL of Life

The wise and powerful Amanda said this morning,

"Thinking about Lackey, wishing I could put myself on the DL..."

I thought this was a novel concept, worth sharing with the world.

My official response is below:

"An amazing concept. 15 days in Florida to relax, get healthy, work out, and hone your craft. By yourself. Let the team carry the weight while you're gone. Call someone up from the minors to cover as much as they can. I would love to be on the DL."

The Golden Rules of Gambling

Here are some rules I had set for myself back when I was gambling actual money.

Actually, we should not call them rules. Things change. These are more fluid than Rules and I will be adjusting them as necessity dictates. I'm not sure what to call them, but they're not Rules.

1) Never bet against Your home team

- Notice this doesn't read "the" home team. On days where the Celtics/Patriots/Red Sox have been destined to lose, matched up against powerful superstars in their prime, looking like bums for weeks at a time, they always seem to pull one out when I bet against them. Which stings twice as bad. Don't do it.

2) Only bet on games you can watch

- You don't want to check your phone or the Sportscenter bottom line ticker to realize that you've lost hundreds of dollars. It's not fun, don't do it. Plus, it doesn't feel as Good if you win. Watch the game. With friends. Gambling is about having fun.

3) Collect your winnings before you bet again

- Don't let it ride. At least hold the money in your hand first. It will make you think longer and more rationally about the bet at hand before making it.

4) Pay your debts before you bet again

- Don't chase it. The gods react mercilessly and without restrain when people chase it. Real men honor their debts. It will make you think longer and more rationally about the bet at hand before making it.

5) The Over is more fun than the Under

- This is discussed in further detail in the Sept 2010 post "A Paradox of Negativity..."

VOCAB: Parlay & Tease

A parlay is a single bet that links together two or more individual wagers and is dependent on all of those wagers winning together. The benefit of the parlay is that there are much higher payoffs than placing each individual bet separately since the difficulty of hitting it is much higher. If any of the bets in the parlay loses, the entire parlay loses...

*Invisible Bookie pays $210 for a $100 parlay with no vig

This definition continued on where the odds drop in the case of a tie...

but in my travels a Tie is actually a Loss, and the Invisible Bookie confers. In fact he said: "If you ain't Won, then partner, you've Lost"

*****

A teaser (or a "two-team teaser") is a type of gambling bet that allows the bettor to combine his bets on two different games. The bettor can adjust the point spreads for the two games, but realizes a lower return on the bets in the event of a win.

*Invisible Bookie pays 1:1 on a two team tease with vig but gives 6 points per game to play with

A Paradox of Negativity & Betting the Over

This experiment is somewhat tainted by a Paradox of Negativity:

- If I "win" my bets it sort of stings that I didn't actually bet on it

- If I "lose" my bets there is a sense of Relief, but it comes from how much I suck at picking games

And I don't want to suck at picking games.

*****

Betting on the Over is fun. All game you're like Go Baby Go! First Down! Touchdown! Go FOR TWO YOU BASTARDS! You're pushing and pushing all game for any points and you'll settle for a field goal and still be smiling and Hoping as you go to the fridge during commercial.

Betting the under is trying to hold it all back. Yes, a sack. Sweet, a three-and-out. It's rooting for the most boring three hours of your life. Gambling is Fun and that's a reason to gamble. Making an unfun bet goes against the spirit of Chance. Forget the under.

Vocab: Vig

From wikipedia, the source of sweet instant knowledge:

Vigorish, or simply the vig, also known as juice or the take, is the amount charged by a bookmaker, or bookie, for his services. In the United States it also means the interest on a shark's loan. The term is Yiddish slang originating from the Russian word for winnings...

The Invisible Bookie wants 10% vig

Introduction: Gambling Is Bad

I love to gamble!

Are you going to Vegas? Don't tell me! Or else I'll give you $100. What for? For one spin of the wheel. I'll pick red or black at that moment, and feel Good about it.

I've never won yet on the Big Spin, as I like to call it. Either that or the people I trusted with the money lied. But it seems more likely that I just plain lost.

The house always wins. Never forget that.

In an ideal world, I would prefer to gamble on sporting events. However, I can't afford to gamble on sports. Fortunately, I don't really have any "balls" per se when it comes to "actually" gambling, so I haven't been burned too bad. I've never really lost big. However, any real gambler knows therefore I've never won big.

So the plan is to bet here, against my old friend The Invisible Bookie. He originated by taking bets on arguments with friends and girlfriends and parents and my brother, but I figured he could use some exposure to the General Public.

I'm going to bet against the bookie and WIN BIG and rack up some invisible money.